I Hate Public Transport

Yesterday on the train to Yorkshire, I sat opposite a man who looked exactly, and i mean exactly, like Jim Bowen. The only slight difference was that this imposter had a slight tan and a fatter nose. He even had the glasses. He constantly had a sad expression on his face like he'd just found out he's on the shortlist for Auschwitz Mk II, so I was more-than-tempted to sit on his knee and stroke away on his bald head, telling him, 'Everything's going to be ok, Jim. You'll be back on telly one day.'

Which brings me onto something that really gets on my tits. The people that sit on the outside seat on public transport, leaving the window-seat empty. Who do these people think they are? What gives them the right to park their fat, ignorant arses there, whilst other people have to stand up at the front? It's not something that's directly affected me before, but just to watch these morons is annoying enough. It's almost as bad as when they take up a seat with their bag or laptop case. I sometimes feel like snatching their bag and hitting them round the face with it, before pulling them out their seat and kicking them in the throat.